Forevs.

Well of course, it's been ages since my last blog. That's nothing new. I usually only do things during times of desperation, or honestly leave them to the very last minute. Per this entry, I am completely refusing to write an assignment concerning polytetrafluoroethylene. [Say what!?] And now, you might understand why I would choose to forgo this awesome learning experience for just a few more minutes. Any word that has nine syllables can wait. BLAHHH. I've mentioned this habit once before -- that whole conditionalization thing. BUT, it's all a work in progress people. The first step is realizing you have a problem, right?! Anywho...

On that note, I don't even have something of minute importance to relay to my extensive audience. AKA: YOU. Either way, I believe this blog to be my ultimate tool of outreach. Or perhaps, it's just a really fun way to dispose of some of these thoughts. Ultimately, it's a nice alternative to the overwhelming mountain of work that needs to be completed.

First things first. In my final semester of school, I find both myself and fellow peers struggling. And I use the term "struggling" in a general aspect. We struggle with focus, concentration, emotional instability, and overall physicality. As my best friend and extremely philosophical Van would say, "We struggle with the ability to give a..." [Feel free to add your own creative twist to this missing word; although, my favorite rendition is "shiza".] At this point, we have been bruised, battered, and broken with obscene amounts of knowledge, commencement information, and the horrors of employment. Add to this the grueling schedule of a student and one must incorporate elevated levels of stress, decreased amounts of sleep and rest, poor nutrition, and a decreased exercise regimen. Overall, each of us is struggling with one aspect or another. We count down the days until graduation as if it's our only hope; and at times, it may very well be. Being a student is hard work. Being a nursing student will be the bane of my existence; if I make it past tomorrow.

And yet, for some reason, we each still love this profession. We love the interactions, the care, the knowledge and the critical thinking behind every patient. We love providing assistance, compassion, and teaching to those in need. We love being the liaison, advocate, and support system for both patients and families. We love it all. And that's a pretty friggin' impressive thing.

As an individual fully immersed in the process of nursing, and also as a student drowning in education, I am proud to call this my home. I know that my peers have the absolute best combination of knowledge, preparation, and empathy. That they each contain a pure heart of gold and genuinely care. It may also be conclusive to say that these young men and women have given a fellow student a dose or two of hope. On that note, I offer this quote by George A. Sheehan as encouragement to anyone struggling, "Happiness is different from pleasure. Happiness has something to do with struggling and enduring and accomplishing."

In an effort to find this happiness, I'll try and remember this, too. It's safe to say that more often than not I feel as if I'm a little lost. But heck, I'm a third of the way to finding happiness!! I'm struggling. I will endure. And eventually, I will have accomplished something. :]] Like, potentially a completed assignment?! ;] Goodnight, all. Hope this finds you well.

"What's in an [age]..."

...That which we call a rose. By any other [age] would smell as sweet."

Clearly lacking sufficient wordage [at least wordage with grandeur, passion, and poise] Shakespeare seemed the appropriate decision for this odd entry. Either way, I've been stewing over the whole concept of age for quite some time now. In reality, at the ripe old age of twenty-two, I am considered a young adult. According to Google, this is what I can expect as a "young adult":

-young (adj): having lived or existed for only a short time
-adult (n): a person who is fully grown or developed

Combining the two --ironically different-- definitions, as a young adult one is expected to be fully grown or developed in only a short period of time. Here's where the stewing begins: how can I, childishly rotten and oh-so-inappropriate, be considered a young adult? I'll describe my lifestyle and self to you in order to gain the full potted mess we're working with here. Brace yourself.

Stephanie Ann, at the age of twenty-two still: sleeps with a stuffed animal (two if we're being honest); occasionally falls victim to a bout of grumpiness and speaks in a childish tongue (favorite word: NO); has an alien backpack (it is sooo balla); wears ribbons and bows in her hair; reads teen novels (only the ones about vampires, duh); completely believes showering is a waste of time (hit the pool, choncho); "refuses" to do daily activities, such as: "I refuse to wash laundry. I refuse to brush my teeth. I refuse to shower..."; listens to Disney music; absolutely NEEDS her mother when sick; abuses the phrase, "that's what she saidddd!"; and plenty, plenty more.

Clearly, I'm not the most adult-like. But, that's the way I like it. I'm pretty childish, yes. But, that too, is the way I like it. Really, what it boils down to is: when will I truly grow up? And if growing up is the answer, what is considered adult? Never will a day come where I'm toting around a briefcase laden with high-tech Apple products, stylish fountain pens, and...crap, I don't even know what else would be in a big girl briefcase, but I guarantee you, I won't have it!! I like my fuzzy butterfly pen that very inconveniently never fits in a pocket. I like my alien backpack! False, I LOVE my alien backpack!! And quite coincidentally, I love this childish life I'm living.

Someday though, I'm going to have to grow up. I'm going to have to stop bumming money from family members. I'm going to have to realize I have more responsibilities than just feeding the dogs. I'm going to have to get a job and come to the realization that "professional bum" isn't actually a career. And most importantly, I'm going to have to do it soon. Poopey. :[

In ending, this is rather difficult to swallow...

THAT'S WHAT SHE SAIDDDD!! EHHHHH!

School Schmool. Right?

Here it is. 5 AM. And I'm sitting on the couch fantasizing about a plush down comforter, bookoos of pillows, and the softest of blankets. And all because I have no sense of time management or discipline. I've done it yet again! Rather than being assertive and actually completing homework, assignments, and meaningless tasks, I've procrastinated to the very limit and left little to no time for preparation and actual work. Same ole story. EVERY TIME.

Just in case you're wondering, I have an exam in a few hours. An exam that definitely requires an abundance of studying and review; especially considering that no teaching is forthcoming during class. BUT, I'm not too worried about it. Hence, the break from frantic-page-turning to post this here message. :]

I consider this practice a fault of psychology, for it's nothing more than simple conditioning. It pans out like this. Exam approaches. During previous exams, presence during class and quick reviews have guaranteed a respectable grade. Commence exam, grades posted, Stephanie mollified. Future conduct elicits the same approach with similar results. It's as easy as that.

Anywho, this may very well be the worst posting ever, but perhaps my brain is actually focusing on pediatric healthcare for a bit. <---SHOCKER! It seems as if I may need to resume the desperate attempt at salvaging my education and end this rambling a little early. But leave with this question, what tasks seem impervious or resistant to you after conditionalization? And like myself, should you reassess these extremely important tasks, and embrace the value they hold? Let's just say, the young boy with cerebral palsy isn't going to care for himself. It is my duty to provide the best healthcare possible to the masses in need. What's yours?

Searching for Something

Oh my! Considering the content of this post, it's pretty ironic that I fell asleep typing away at it. Know that in my haste to post another rambling or two, my body said, "NO!" Hope you enjoy this a few days late. :]

After an agonizingly long week, it's finally here. Friday, that is. Yet, amidst all the mumbo-jumbo and "wahoo!"s of the weekend, I can't help but find myself discouraged. Irritable, sleep deprived, and stressed to the max, it is literally a strain to keep my eyes open. Like, painful. Three hour nap sessions have become my only reprieve. While "sleeping" indicates either accidentally snoozing or carefully arranging an hour of shut eye, it is hardly more than a whispered dream. Caffeine has become more than an acquaintance, but my best friend and I find myself yearning for it's presence more and more. The strain will soon overwhelm me and only a host of other nasty boogers will swamp this downtrodden machine. What's next, I ask?

...

I realize this is all rather forlorn, but really I find it enlightening. It's times like this that I finally realize where strength and vulnerability come from. More specifically, what they are. During the roughest of times who do we look towards? Who do we find strength in? And who bolsters our strength for yet another ceaseless week? In some cases, rather than whom, perhaps the question is what. Either way, the answer lies in a complexity unknown to most.

Personally, my reprieve is a myriad of sources. First, in an almost state of unawareness, I immediately seek the importance of family. My sister, Brandi, is... Well, there are literally no words to describe her role in my life. She's more than a sister, a role-model, or even a friend. She's the absolute heart and soul of me. Without her, my life would be different in so many ways, and that's only imaginable as a forever, sinking void. However, knowing her love and strength are viable, allows me the fortitude to continue. In the midst of family and friends, it's impossible to forget those that are truly my best friends. Whether a simple word of encouragement, or even sharing the same experience of "blah", the very presence of them is vastly appreciated. A book, a dangerously messy haven, a home, and occasionally a cry or two may also be included. Though there are many other resources, perhaps lastly mentioned is the primary reason. Reason for Brandi, the besties, a belligerent attitude to all things reasonable, a puppy dog's drool, and even a bear named Lloyd: Christ.

I won't ramble on about the word of Christ or my personal beliefs, but simply present this to you. My favorite scripture embodies the life of many; and one that I pursue wholeheartedly: “Let love be your greatest aim.” 1 Corinthians 14:1. Following suit, my ultimate wish is to have an imperfect family, surrounded by a perfect love. I know that life is difficult. Heck, walking in a straight line is plum impossible for me! Realizing hardship is inevitable, understanding that difficulties will arise, and finding love and passion to overcome them are miraculous gifts. And ones that I must remind myself of from time to time. You and I may share similar sources, or we may very well not. But in the end, finding, knowing, and cherishing these gifts empowers us to succeed and perhaps find the beauty in the most dreary of days. In hopes that you may stumble upon a smidgen of happiness and love...

A New Addition

For as long as I can remember, I've been expressing the need and want to have a blog. Like the rest of my life it's simply fallen into a makeshift hold, coincidentally located at the back of my brain. :/ If you know me, you know this is no surprise. I too often sidestep things of importance and replace them with finer objects of sustenance. To me, these "finer" things of sustenance are novels, crafts, and anything requiring some sort of imagination. However, I'm making the move! Hopefully with some discipline and well-timed sessions, this will become a new custom.

It's an exhilarating thing to share your words, thoughts and passion to those around you. More importantly, it's fun to face the everyday dealings of myself, Stephanie Ann Ledbetter.

If you continue to read these memorable ramblings, prepare yourself. Humor, danger, crude and shallow remarks will surely ensue; though, in no comparison to the joy and compassion I will bountifully fill your screens with. And, you should probably become fast acquaintances with my style and grammar. I have no sense of proper punctuation, nor do I rightly care. And I love beginning new sentences, or even fragments with '"and". What a remarkable way to catch one's attention!! Better yet, it allows me to express my actual train of thought. I move from one topic to another, with no regard to the limitations of the proper English language. Pish-posh, I say. Tsk, tsk to whomever tried to implant that nasty worm in my head.

Anyways, at this time, I must get back to the dreaded work of home. In future posts, you'll come to either love or hate me, find me friend or foe, and learn a thing or two regarding the principles of insight (when and if I have them). For now, take this with you: though you and I may be miles apart, we share a common infatuation of words and beliefs; it is enough to spark a fire of ardor and zeal, one of spreading intensity and engulfing flames. And for that, I am beyond thankful.

Night, night!!

:]