Searching for Something

Oh my! Considering the content of this post, it's pretty ironic that I fell asleep typing away at it. Know that in my haste to post another rambling or two, my body said, "NO!" Hope you enjoy this a few days late. :]

After an agonizingly long week, it's finally here. Friday, that is. Yet, amidst all the mumbo-jumbo and "wahoo!"s of the weekend, I can't help but find myself discouraged. Irritable, sleep deprived, and stressed to the max, it is literally a strain to keep my eyes open. Like, painful. Three hour nap sessions have become my only reprieve. While "sleeping" indicates either accidentally snoozing or carefully arranging an hour of shut eye, it is hardly more than a whispered dream. Caffeine has become more than an acquaintance, but my best friend and I find myself yearning for it's presence more and more. The strain will soon overwhelm me and only a host of other nasty boogers will swamp this downtrodden machine. What's next, I ask?

...

I realize this is all rather forlorn, but really I find it enlightening. It's times like this that I finally realize where strength and vulnerability come from. More specifically, what they are. During the roughest of times who do we look towards? Who do we find strength in? And who bolsters our strength for yet another ceaseless week? In some cases, rather than whom, perhaps the question is what. Either way, the answer lies in a complexity unknown to most.

Personally, my reprieve is a myriad of sources. First, in an almost state of unawareness, I immediately seek the importance of family. My sister, Brandi, is... Well, there are literally no words to describe her role in my life. She's more than a sister, a role-model, or even a friend. She's the absolute heart and soul of me. Without her, my life would be different in so many ways, and that's only imaginable as a forever, sinking void. However, knowing her love and strength are viable, allows me the fortitude to continue. In the midst of family and friends, it's impossible to forget those that are truly my best friends. Whether a simple word of encouragement, or even sharing the same experience of "blah", the very presence of them is vastly appreciated. A book, a dangerously messy haven, a home, and occasionally a cry or two may also be included. Though there are many other resources, perhaps lastly mentioned is the primary reason. Reason for Brandi, the besties, a belligerent attitude to all things reasonable, a puppy dog's drool, and even a bear named Lloyd: Christ.

I won't ramble on about the word of Christ or my personal beliefs, but simply present this to you. My favorite scripture embodies the life of many; and one that I pursue wholeheartedly: “Let love be your greatest aim.” 1 Corinthians 14:1. Following suit, my ultimate wish is to have an imperfect family, surrounded by a perfect love. I know that life is difficult. Heck, walking in a straight line is plum impossible for me! Realizing hardship is inevitable, understanding that difficulties will arise, and finding love and passion to overcome them are miraculous gifts. And ones that I must remind myself of from time to time. You and I may share similar sources, or we may very well not. But in the end, finding, knowing, and cherishing these gifts empowers us to succeed and perhaps find the beauty in the most dreary of days. In hopes that you may stumble upon a smidgen of happiness and love...